Meta-what? What men want is a woman who practices metacognition. Basically, she’s aware of what she’s thinking about, her emotions and how she responds to her own thoughts and her surroundings. Women who don’t practice metacognition will always find that their husbands won’t be able to communicate to them as well, since they’re too focused on their own emotions to sort things through. If you think that you need help being more self-aware, here are a few easy steps to get used to practicing metacognition and being a better wife for your man.
Women who practice metacognition generally have a higher Emotional Quotient than women who don’t practice this skill. At any rate, here are 3 steps to get used to doing it:
1. Listen to yourself speak: a lot of people talk and talk and talk without listening to what they’re saying. As in, they know what they’re saying to the other person, but they’re not listening to themselves as if they were a different person listening. That’s probably a little bit hard to understand, so allow me to clarify.
You know how people sometimes say they wished that they were a fly on the wall so that they could listen to someone else’s conversation? Well, that’s the basic idea behind listening to yourself speak. If you speak and can hear how you might be sounding to other people, you’ll be more aware not only what you say, but more importantly, how you say things. If you’ve been told that you come across as sounding loud, harsh or annoying, try to listen out for this next time.
2. Stop before you respond: when someone’s talking to you, you have to be aware of how you’re responding to what they’re saying. Some people do the first thing that comes to their heads and while that’s being true to themselves, it doesn’t mean that it’s the most constructive way to go about your marriage.
Empathy is the main component of any successful relationship, especially a marriage. Similarly to tip 1, try to think how you may be coming across to someone else and try to understand why they may be feeling a certain way before reacting in a negative way.
3. Really feel your emotions: this is probably the core of metacognition. Everything you do is regulated by what you feel inside. People who are addicted are chained to their emotions. People who act all willy-nilly without thinking about how their emotional response may impact others around them are chained to their emotions as well.
Feel the anger, feel the sadness, feel the happiness, regardless of whether someone makes you feel that way or you make yourself feel that way. The more aware of the emotion you are, the more you are in control of it.
If you can do these three things, your man will come to appreciate you more as a woman, growing to love your ability to tune down the negativity and focus on the positive emotions.